Mistress Zaynab's
Diary
Thursday, September 20, 2007
away for a bit, and a musing.
Hello My dearest pets,
Mistress will be away until the beginning of October doing film shoots and attending a film festival. I do have a brief window of one day when I will be home late next week and may be able to fit in a session. Aside from that, feel free to plan ahead. My schedule is filling up for the first week of October, but I am available on October 4, and several days during the following week.
I am beginning to feel a bit better about things.
After a long conversation with My most loyal servants, I have decided to write briefly about commitment and integrity. Often, I think men need some instruction in this area. First of all, I prefer it if I am not led to believe one thing and then disappointed. As a Domme, I have this problem often. A slave will so want to please Me that they will agree to something, and then as the time to act on that agreement approaches, the slave backs away. I have had this happen in regard to certain specific events. For example, My chauffeur agreed for more than a month that he would drive Me on a road trip to a city about one day's journey from here. Each time I saw him he said , "Absolutely no problem, Mistress." He looked forward to our stops along the way for semi-public sessions of trampling. Days before the trip he disappeared off the face of the planet, unreachable by e-mail, or phone. The day after I was supposed to leave, he wrote to apologize. I, of course, had already replaced him, after having to shift My entire month's plans just to deal with his ineptitude.
This prompted My post about communicating when you are unable to keep a promise. Far better to own up to your limitations than run and hide.
That is the worst case. Other cases have been disappointing as well, in different ways. Take for example the multitude of slaves who speak longingly about wanting to become My property. They kneel and beg to be considered as a member of My stable. They seem so sincere. They make it through the entire period of probation and perform well. They are eager and obedient. They get to know My likes and dislikes, and learn to anticipate My wants. They tell Me how good they feel serving Me, and write e-mail after e-mail telling Me how they want to belong to Me. And then, almost as suddenly as they appeared, they disappear. They cancel a session, then another. Then they disappear altogether. Some are good enough to write and explain that they've had a change of heart. Others cut and run. It always happens shortly before their initiation date. It is dismaying.
Now, I understand that initiation can be nerve wracking. Remember, I went through an initiation Myself to become the Priestess of My Order. And so I posed the question to those slaves most loyal to Me, who have been around for some time and never flinched in the face of doing anything to best serve Me. Why do these potential slaves run?
The consensus is that they are commitment-phobic for one reason or another. They love the idea of it, but cannot follow through because of their own fears and perhaps baggage from the past. They wished for a Mistress to own them completely, and when they found Her, they cannot believe themselves either ready or worthy for such a position.
Now I could be a more manipulative Woman. However, I only want to be served by the willing. Beyond willing - I like My slaves to be enthusiastically devoted. I do My part to cultivate such relationships.
So here is My demand. Those who approach Me, do not be too quick to offer yourself as a potential long term servant in My stable. Check yourself. Is it really something you want to pursue or is it best left a fantasy? I will see regular slaves on an on-going basis WITHOUT the intention of working toward their initiation. I have no problem with leaving things open ended. So if I ask you if you wish to be owned by Me, be honest with yourself. And if you are not ready, then say "I am not ready." I will not take offense. What I will take offense to is another in a line of potential servants who flee at the last second.
I am not just a "model with a whip" as they say. I take these things seriously. Perhpas that in itself is frightening. Perhaps that makes Me different than other Dommes. Like all Women I seek financial security, and like most Dominant Women, I seek luxury. But that is not my raison d'être. I thoroughly enjoy ruling. I cannot be at peace without being pampered and having every whim indulged. I expect a lot from life, beyond that which money can buy. I create My own reality, and allow in only those who adhere to it.
What I offer to you is Myself as Idol. In return for your devotion, I respond with aid in your time of need, and with pleasurable celebrations of life. I provide ritual and structure. I am the sacred space away from the every day world.
Come to Me, but know yourself. Know in what manner you are prepared to serve. And if I am pleased with you and you wish to give yourself completely, then do so completely. If you are uncertain, then give it time and make no promises. Train with Me and learn and wait to see where you stand. Remember the threefold law. The sadness and disappointment you generate in another will return to you threefold. So strive to be clear and aware of yourself, your abilities, and your limitations. Even slaves must have integrity - the best have it in spades.
Be well, and I hope to see you (both the committed and the noncommittal) upon My return.
MZ
Sunday, September 16, 2007
vulnerable for a moment.
Mistress is contemplating a change. One of the following things must happen:
A.) I must find another reliable, loyal, devoted slave (or two) who enjoys oral torture, training as a toilet, foot and body worship, and acting as a household servant (and a variety of other things).
B.) I must move to Iraq and make My fortune as a contractor while helping rebuild My family's homeland.
C.) I must have a baby and become a retired (or semi-retired) Domme.
D.) I must use My degrees and concentrate on a different career.
I can do A + C at the same time, I suppose. Option B is dangerous but exciting. I am not quite pleased with the direction in which things are going at the moment, and I'm restless. I will let My guard down for a moment to share something with all of you. As resilient as Dommes are, We too can be hurt. For the second time in My many years of doing this, I feel it could be happening to Me. Okay, I have broken the hearts of dozens of slaves who would love to serve but whom I've tossed aside with disinterest. But that is My right. The other way around is much more rare and unexpected, and has farther reaching effects than a slave might know. It's what makes this work far more risky than any other career. Perhaps I take it too seriously.
I have many occupations. I am a movie producer, a partner in a fashion design house, a filmmaker, a teacher, a published writer and photographer. I could pick any of those and concentrate on them more fully. But being a Domme is something I truly love and from which I derive pleasure and joy. Still, at times like this, I feel quite sad.
I do hope that My servants are not put off by this softer, less assured side of Me. Take it as both invitation and warning. I am open to seekers and looking toward other possibilities. We'll see in which direction the path turns.
Good night. Dream of Me.
MZ
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
a clarification and more
Hello My sweets,
Topic #1: Oral Servitude
I have been getting an inordinate amount of e-mail asking about oral servitude accompanied by compliments on the stop action video of My long time slave peeon being draw into oral service.
I must clarify. This is not something I do with new slaves. peeon has served me for over eight years. The stop action video was meant to be a representation of things one might see on My web cam when I chose to turn it on. All other things in the video are quite typical of My style of Domination, but oral servitude is rare and only allowed with slaves who have been loyal for some time.
I do not intend to be misleading in My representation. My sessions can be quite intimate. I am very sensual with My slaves, and never shy away from the warmth of bodies interacting. It is part of My power, and integral to My philosophy of Domination. But I must be clear, I do not engage in any act that can be construed as prostitution - including all forms of oral sex.
So, please, no more inquiries about serving Me orally. I will most likely ignore them. If you are interested in oral torture - this is one of My specialties and I take great pleasure in using a slave's mouth to envelope fingers, hands, feet, and other objects. I enjoy spitting scenarios, feeding slaves pre-chewed food, and other types of mouth play. slaves who enjoy having their mouths used as receptacles for all sorts of things can feel comfortable asking about such topics.
Topic #2: Behind the Veil
I am have been rethinking my approach to My private web site, Behind the Veil. I sorted through the members and weeded out a few. I took a break from updating the site for a bit, and removed some of the older content as well. Now I am returning with a new proposition. I am offering temporary membership to ten potential slaves and servants who meet the following criteria:
A.) slave must communicate the desire to become a regular long term servant (in person or long distance with occasional visits)
B.) slave must provide a reference from another Domme - the Domme must have a web site or an ad or reviews on a prominent referral site, and must remember slave when I contact Her. If you must see another Domme just to get the reference so be it (but make it an independent Domme, as the commercial dungeons are not quick to respond to inquiries).
C.) slave must send a photo of himself - face fully visible, with My name written somewhere on his body (in lipstick or erasable marker, etc.)
D.) slave must send Me a significant gift from My birthday wishlist, or My other wishlists
If all of these conditions are met, I will grant three months of access to Behind the Veil (which I will resume updating on a regular basis this weekend). Some of you who have been longing for access will now have an opportunity to gain entrance.
Topic #3: Suggestion
If a slave wants to learn how to really impress a Woman, he should consider putting himself through a spa training course as a nail technician. Foot fetishists, imagine having the skill to do expert pedicures! your Mistress will have you at Her feet all the time! I found this school on the web: http://www.spatrainingacademy.com/nailProgram.html (and no this is not an ad, merely a suggestion).
MZ
Thursday, September 06, 2007
get into the film business
I am crossing My worlds (business and pleasure) for a moment in an effort to produce a new documentary project. I am looking for an executive producer for this project (I am Producing and Directing, and I have already hired an editor and sound designer). I have one successful doc in theaters now (reviewed by Variety and the New York Times), and this is My next big venture. This subject matter of this one is bound to be a bit controversial, and I'm not going to write about it publicly.
An executive producer will sink a certain amount of his own capital into the project in exchange for a percentage of the profits (usually commensurate with the percentage of the total budget he contributes). The EP follows the progress of the project, but cannot make creative decisions.
I'm also looking for equipment donations. To begin with, We need couple of good lavaliere microphones, a Panasonic HD camera (Panasonic Panasonic AGHVX200 with full Production Kit), and OWC mirrored RAID drives of at least 1 Terabyte capacity. This can be contributed by the executive producer, or can be given as birthday gifts (they are, as you may have noticed, on My birthday wish list! ). I can work without them if I have to, but I really really want to use these tools for shoots I've scheduled for mid-October. The timeline for this project is to have a rough cut ready by late spring 2008. Year of the RAT! My year.
With an EP on board it will be easy to get grants and other contributions. Shooting on HD will open a lot of new avenues of distribution.
I am still working on the artist residence/farm as well. The progress is slow but I am still hopeful. I am a Woman of many projects as always (In case I never mentioned it, I am half owner of a film production company, and a fashion design company, as well as a published writer and photographer).
If you are intrigued and have the means to participate, I wish to hear from you soon. Mistress@MistressZaynab.com
MZ
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
BIRTHDAY!!!
October approaches - birthday month for Mistress Zaynab. I have created a birthday wish list and updated My amazon.com list as well.
BIRTHDAY WISH LIST
AMAZON WISH LIST
Aside from this, life seems to be quite busy here at the Loft (and beyond). Magdalen and I had a great time today with a little public humiliation scene. I hadn't done something of that sort for quite some time. I'm sure the wait staff at the Motel Bar have something to talk about this evening.
I will be doing some traveling at the end of the month, so contact Me soon if you want a September session. The few days I have free will likely be filled quickly. I will be gone from Sept. 21 - 30 (with the exception of one stop at home between cities on the 27th (already reserved). I am shooting a new documentary film project, and then I am invited to a film festival where one of My movies is playing.
Before My trip I will be celebrating an anniversary with one of my most loyal stable slaves!
Which reminds Me, circumstances have recently opened an opportunity for new slaves to audition to join My stable. I'm looking for very special, very service-oriented males (or females). I specifically prefer those who take genuine pleasure in pampering and obeying a Dominant Woman, and who are open to being everything from pedicurist to toilet. I am not looking for pain sluts at the moment.
Be well, My lovlies.
MZ
|
Mistress Zaynab shares her experiences, thoughts,
and musings.
previous posts
MYspace
UPdates
many thanks
Birthday Approaches
away for a bit, and a musing.
vulnerable for a moment.
a clarification and more
get into the film business
BIRTHDAY!!!
e-mail trouble
archives
March 2005
April 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
March 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
|
